Money & Marriage

It’s no secret that money can be the cause of many disagreements for married couples. President N. Eldon Tanner said, “Overindulgence and poor money management place a heavy strain on marriage relationships. Most marital problems, it seems, originate from economic roots.” For this reason it is important that a couple discuss finances before marriage. They need to know how each other handles their money and make a plan for how they will manage their money after marriage. Unfortunately this is not the way that my husband and I entered our marriage.

In our reading for this week I learned that there is a connection between your birth order and the way you handle money. I had never before heard of this connection between birth order and finances and was surprised to learn that my husband and I both fit very neatly into our respective categories. He is the second born, who hates “being controlled or having someone tell him what to do. Because [he is] quite independent, [he wants] to spend money without having to account for it” (Poduska, pg. 35).   I am the middle born who tends “to go along with whatever budget has been established. Some middle born individuals may distort their willingness to be peacemakers--and to go along with the desires of others--into a dysfunctional desire to please others. Wanting to be accepted and liked by others becomes a top priority” (Poduska, pg. 37).

I grew up in a house watching my parents struggle with finances for many years. I decided that when I grew up, I would not make the same financial mistakes that they had. However, when I met and married my husband that seemed to go right out the window. Although our finances didn’t go as I had hoped, I didn’t ever sit down with my husband and have a serious conversation about our finances. I just went with the flow until we were drowning in debt.

I really wish there was more education for high schoolers and college students about credit cards, debt, and how to successfully handle money. I also wish either or both of our parents had sat us down and had a talk with us about finances when we got married. But since neither of those happened, we should have educated ourselves and been more wise with our money.

In the fall of 2013 we had what I refer to as our “financial awakening.” We realized that we couldn’t keep living like we were and that we needed to make some big changes. Some dear friends that we turned to for advice told us about a book that gave us hope and a plan. We finally had some knowledge and direction about how to be more wise with our money.

We started our “debt snowball” and have been working ever since to be debt free. In a few short months, we should finally reach our goal! It has not been easy, but we have learned to work together to reach this goal and we know it will be worth all of the struggles of the past few years.

In his talk, Constancy Amid Change, President Tanner gave “five principles of economic constancy.”

1. Pay an honest tithing.
2. Live on less than you earn.
3. Learn to distinguish between needs and wants.
4. Develop and live within a budget.
5. Be honest in all your financial affairs.

President Heber J. Grant once said, “If there is any one thing that will bring peace and contentment into the human heart, and into the family, it is to live within our means. And if there is any one thing that is grinding and discouraging and disheartening, it is to have debts and obligations that one cannot meet.”

I know this is true. Living within our means, as church leaders have counseled us to do for years, does indeed bring peace and contentment into our lives and into our marriages!