Same-Sex Marriage...What's the Big Deal?

Last June, the Supreme Court declared that same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states. This long awaited decision has caused much debate and frustration for many people in our country. There are many who felt this was long overdue and celebrated the decision, and many who still remain firmly against it. I am in the latter group. Why? Is it because I am intolerant and small-minded? No, although this is the label given to many who voice opposition to same-sex marriage. I have compassion for those who are in a same-sex relationship and understand why they would want to make their love and commitment to each other in a formal and binding manner. However, I do not believe this means we need to redefine a social institution that has been around since the beginning of time.

For my class last week I had to read the entire ruling for this case. It was both interesting and disheartening to say the least. If you have strong feelings about this issue, as I do, I encourage you to read it. Just make sure you have plenty of time and bring a snack because it's over a hundred pages long.

It was wonderful to hear the opinions of the four dissenting justices, which I don't remember hearing anything about last summer. Their voices seemed to have been concealed by the media and the celebration that immediately followed the ruling. They gave some alarming warnings that I think everyone should read for themselves in order to understand exactly why this decision should bother everyone that lives in and loves America and the Constitution. I would like to share three of the points that were made by the dissenting justices.

The first one is from Justice Roberts, who said, "Understand well what this dissent is about: It is not about whether, in my judgment, the institution of marriage should be changed to include same-sex couples. It is instead about whether, in our democratic republic, that decision should rest with the people acting through their elected representatives, or with five lawyers who happen to hold commission's authorizing them to resolve legal disputes according to law. The Constitution leaves no doubt about the answer.”

“Justice Curtis explained that when the ‘fixed rules which govern the interpretation of laws [are] abandoned, and the theoretical dissenting opinions of individuals are allowed to control’ the Constitution’s meaning, ‘we have no longer a Constitution; we are under the government of individual men, who for the time being have power to declare what the Constitution is, according to their own views of what it ought to mean.'"

No matter what your opinion on the subject of marriage, every citizen of the United States should be concerned about this ruling and the power that the Supreme Court usurped when they made this decision. This should have been left for the states to determine and not the Supreme Court, which is supposed to “say what the law is, not what it should be” as Justice Roberts stated in his dissent. I believe that our country is in danger when we allow men to distort the Constitution and use it to further their personal agenda or views. We the people must put a stop to this abuse of power and make our government a government of the people once again.

Justice Thomas gave a warning about religious freedom in his dissent. He said, “Aside from undermining the political processes that protect our liberty, the majority’s decision threatens the religious liberty our Nation has long sought to protect...In our society, marriage is not simply a governmental institution; it is a religious institution as well. Today’s decision might change the former, but it cannot change the latter. It appears all but inevitable that the two will come into conflict, particularly as individuals and churches are confronted with demands to participate in and endorse civil marriages between same-sex couples.”

I agree with Justice Thomas that this decision conflicts with religious freedom, which our nation has tried to protect since its beginning. It has already happened with several small business owners who refused to give service to same-sex couples because of their personal, religious beliefs. The same-sex couples sued and won, requiring the business owners to pay huge fines. This decision will only bring about more such cases and more conflict and division in our country. Religious freedom is important to many Americans and this ruling has many questioning how it will impact churches and people of all faiths in the future. Only a few sentences in the ruling talked about protecting religious freedom, which is cause for great concern.

The last point from the dissenting justices that I would like to share is from Justice Alito. He said, “The family is an ancient and universal human institution. Family structure reflects the characteristics of a civilization, and changes in family structure and in the popular understanding of marriage and the family can have profound effects. Past changes in the understanding of marriage—for example, the gradual ascendance of the idea that romantic love is a prerequisite
to marriage—have had far-reaching consequences. But the process by which such consequences
come about is complex, involving the interaction of numerous factors, and tends to occur over an extended period of time. 'We can expect something similar to take place if same-sex marriage becomes widely accepted. The long-term consequences of this change are not now known and are unlikely to be ascertainable for some time to come. There are those who think that allowing
same-sex marriage will seriously undermine the institution of marriage. Others think that recognition of same-sex marriage will fortify a now-shaky institution.' At present, no one—including social scientists, philosophers, and historians—can predict with any certainty what the long-term ramifications of widespread acceptance of same-sex marriage will be."

Indeed. we do not know how this decision will affect generations to come. So how can these justices just change the definition of marriage without knowing the long term effects? How can they just decide that this is a good thing for our society when no research has been done to see how it will affect families, communities, and nations? I believe it will have many negative effects on our society, especially where children are concerned. Our children and grandchildren will be the ones that see the devastating effects that this decision will have on society.

As a Latter-Day Saint, I believe that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children,” as taught in The Family: A Proclamation to the World. In a talk entitled Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan, Elder Bednar taught, “The natures of male and female spirits complete and perfect each other, and therefore men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation. Alone, neither the man nor the woman could fulfill the purposes of his or her creation...Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other. “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Cor. 11:11).

Men and women are very different, and have different roles and responsibilities as husband and wife and this is precisely the way that God intended for it to be when He created us. Independently, men and women cannot achieve what we can together. We need each other in order to overcome the trials of this life and become what God intends for us to become. It is a beautiful and eternal truth.

Redefining marriage also means redefining parenting. It is essentially saying that both a father and a mother are not necessary. The proclamation also teaches us that “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony,  to be reared by a father and a mother.” Children need both a mom and a dad in order to grow and develop into healthy adults. Elder Bednar also taught, “Both a man and a woman are needed to bring children into mortality and to provide the best setting for the rearing and nurturing of children. A home with a loving and loyal husband and wife is the supreme setting in which children can be reared in love and righteousness and in which the spiritual and physical needs of children can be met. Just as the unique characteristics of both males and females contribute to the completeness of a marriage relationship, so those same characteristics are vital to the rearing, nurturing, and teaching of children.”

Children need both a mother and a father love them and care for them. I know this is has been true for me when I was growing up. I learned things from my father that my mama could not have taught me as well. It has also been true for raising my own children. My husband has a different relationship with our children than I do. Sometimes they prefer to talk to me about things, and sometimes they need him to discuss things with him to get a different perspective or just because it's something I may not understand or do as well as he does. We naturally love and protect them in different ways, making our home a more complete environment for our children.

Same-sex marriage is a big deal. Even though the world and now the Supreme Court tell us that same-sex marriage is legal and should be a normal part of our society, we know this is not part of our Heavenly Father’s plan for his children. His truths are eternal and do not change with time or with the opinions of men. As Elder Nelson stated in his talk, Disciple of Jesus Christ, Defenders of Marriage, “The day is gone when you can be a quiet and comfortable Christian...The future of marriage and of countless human lives will be determined by your willingness to bear solemn witness of the Lord and live according to His gospel." It is time for us to take a stand and be defenders of marriage and family. Our children's future depends on it.